Here I Come March

A man has never been happier to see a month end. Since that time when I woke up hungry one morning only to find that the rat had chewed on my bread; the car wouldn’t start as I hastened to be at work in time for a crucial assignment; and the wailing baby in the next seat pissed onto my shirt on its debut when i opted to take the famed K'la taxis, I haven’t had it as rough as this February.

 

To kick off the bad month, I borrow a friend’s car to go see friends for a get together on the other side of town. Driving in K'la the 'Pot Hole Capital of the World', the oil tank is damaged when I hit a pothole. Before I know it, all the oil has spilled out, the science of friction has done its job, and I have an engine knock on my hands. The bill amounts to $50, not to mention the night I spend at the police reception when the traffic warden literally accuses me of navigating the pot holes poorly. I miss the ‘thing’ with the boys and my cheap phone (kabiriti) I had grown fond of is arrested by the cops as an ‘accomplice’ never to be seen again.

 

A few days later, I switch on my computer and nothing happens. Upon investigation, I discover that the hard disk has thrown in the towel for no apparent reason. Which would be fine – I guess even a machine has the right to retire – except that all my data of three years is locked up on the machine. Don’t tell me about backups. Everyone knows that they should back up their data, but no body really does. I take the computer to a technician who tells me that for $20, he can ‘try’ to recover the data. I figure that my data is worth much more than that, so I pay the money. He gets the hard disk working again alright, but then, he loses all the data in the process! He then adds insult to injury by saying there is no refund for the shoddy work he has done. I’m seething with anger now and just make an exit to avoid creating a scene; after all I’m not as endowed in the muscular stakes as he is. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I get home one evening to find that burglars have invaded my room, wrecked every thing and burst a water pipe leaving the floor flooded. Every thing on the floor, which is pretty much everything if you know how much I like throwing things on the floor, is damaged. The cost? We can’t even talk about that one. And no, I didn’t have any insurance for anything. I am a true African who tends to leave things in God’s hands (I’m not very proud of that anyway).

And just when I'm thinking I've seen enough misfortunes for the month, the beloved Owino market burns to ashes so i have to wait for probably another month or so to revamp my already ageing wardrobe. A day later I'm faced with my biggest work load in the history of my rather young life in work. I'm too busy i don't eat a thing till it is 3:45 pm when even my very demanding ulcers are tired of tying to grab my attention. Right after my meal I ran into Bobi Wine and his 16 man crew of unkempt, filthy and high on a substance i can only speculate about in the hallway; i almost surrender my food to them but just get myself together. I settle at my desk, nauseating and i think I'm going to fall sick! His entourage, a pack of equally filthy riders on their scooters stay camped outside the office premises making a lot of noise and chanting slogans of the ghetto where they claim they are proud to hail from! I can't concetrate now and there is pure pandemonium as every one wants to get a glimpse of the show that has unravelled. I'm totally bored stiff. So I am grumpy and depressed about the February misfortunes? Hell no. Only last weekend, I was out partying the whole night. I mean, it is not like I have lost a leg or something.

 

Still I will be glad to see Feb go. The only good thing that happened to me in the entire month is some girl who decided that I wasn’t ‘lucky’ enough for her liking and took a walk just before the 14^th, promising to see how next month would pan out, then take a step further after that.

Now that is something to smile about