You Just Dont Get It! Do You?

For a better part of the past three years, you have absolutely failed albeit deliberately, to read between the lines. I wish there was a milder way to say this but we are just friends. Thats all we've ever been even though you insist that man and woman can never be just friends.
All those small things you keep dwelling on like when we've held hands for long spells, the weekend walks and the mandatory hugs, are just innocent gestures of our friendship. And that time you jumped me at Diane's farewell party, well it was you who was zonked not me. That should explain why you left with only one shoe!
You even promised that it would never happen again. Ever!

But of late you are back to your old self. Now you pretend to have seriously fallen in love with Chelsea. In your defence, you claim that Arsenal's games have become very boring to watch! I'm puzzled beyond measure by your resolve.

Still you haven't stopped at that.
You know how much I'm a lil' obsessed with Keri Hilson, dont you? Why else have you done the same hairstyle? I cant say I didn't stumble a bit when I saw you...actually I now happen to be just a little bit tempted to drift.
But no I wont. I refuse to be boxed into a corner.
Who said a man doesn't have a choice when it comes to choosing what he eats?

I appreciate the gifts, the free lunch, the airtime and that beautiful blue Marks & Spencer neck tie, I loved them all. But right now I'm running as far away from you as I can. You wont hear from me for the next four months for reasons you have tactfully ignored for the past three years.

Till we cross paths again I remain me.

PS: Assuming we are still friends, can I keep the topless pics? I've never complained about them.

It's So Hungry I Can Barely Feed It

Considering that I’ve not posted anything right here for exactly 45 days, I’ve gotta admit that is really long a time. I’ve got my reasons too. See I’m not exactly comfortable looking into a neighbour’s script when sitting an exam, so I took time off, shook blogging out of my unwilling head and got down to the academics for ‘shizzle’. Nevertheless after seeing this lady pull her ‘bullet’ from her bra, of all places, I took a peek or two to steer clear of a retake when I was out-spotted. Such can be the life of a student.

So that means I missed the BHH tales (of course I wasn’t there), and I hear Eizzy. k got saved! I’m only hoping she don’t try to convert me.

But then, my time away from blogging pales in comparison with my rather lengthy vacation away from the throes of dating. It has been more than a year now and what gets me worried though is how comfortable I’m becoming in the current climate. Its not till you make out with some girl (swollen with emotion too) you least expected to ever get cozy with that you realise maybe you have been cheating your body by depriving it of some things I cannot comfortably call essentials. You almost went to the next level with her! You find it even harder to say no to her advances politely. I don’t even know what they are! Cravings?

The next morning you are predictably like – “OMG What the fuck was I thinking?” but then it is already done and all you have left time for is to reflect on where in the not so immediate past might have gone wrong. You try hard to put on a gaze that conveys innocence, responsibility and authority that often than not, conceals the desperate bore that your life has become. You feel like letting loose, surrendering yourself to the force of the wind, and put up no resistance at all.

But your inner self knows that the life you once lived with some ease is now more like the unknown to you at present and that isn’t about to miraculously change overnight.

It’s really been mighty long.

“Never let your head bully your heart only because it is not worth the effort. The heart somewhat always manages to win” Dad told me that before he got saved!

I'm Too Busy To Find A Title For This One

When I said my goodbyes I promised to sneak in a thing or two. Well I have. Blogging can be so very addictive and my will-power has taken a nose-dive of late so I can't resist the urge.
Here we go.

My friend Mark clearly has a lot of sticky issues to settle with women. He wont stop reading this every day he wakes up. I asked him why and all he could say was that it is kinda inspiring to him.
'Sour grapes?' I ask. He almost throws his phone at me. I'll just share it with you and see what you think.

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.

Women are like elephants to me. I would like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Women really do rule the world. They just haven't figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we're all in big big trouble.

Men really prefer reasonably attractive women; they go after the sensational ones to impress other men.

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.

Women are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts and pheromones.

No woman wants to see herself too clearly.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. There are women who do not like to cause suffering to many men at a time, and who prefer to concentrate on one man: These are

Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves.

What men desire is a virgin who is a whore.

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember."

WHAT!!!
I'll honestly tell you that I think these are sour grapes.Very unfair to women! His future wife, daughter and mother alike.
He's the same chap who says he would like to meet the man or woman who invented sex and see what he's working on now.

Gotta go.

Online Psychoanalysis

A while back I was hounded by a crazy-ass Kenyan gay guy on Facebook who literally thought he could do to me what Cheeye is sensationally destined to endure during his jail time as reported by that sick excuse of a tabloid. To Cheeye, I don't want to imagine you wincing in pain so I'll say a prayer for you anyway though you don't really deserve one.
Someone pointed out that my profile was rather 'inviting' as the cause of the attraction. You know that 'anything i can get' thing was sitting pretty on my profile page. But I got rid of that one.

Yes! For once I heeded to advice.
Notoriously grumpy are the people from my place!

So now how would you explain the friend of a friend wanting to counsel me online.

"I'm a counselling psychologist
Well this could be your turning point
Anyway I'm naturally a listener
That's what I think about myself
But I know it takes guts to really listen and get involved in what someone is saying
Now tell me what afflicts you my child."

Bollocks!!!!
And no, I haven't seen her before. What's the diagnosis this time? I look a tortured soul in my profile pic? I'm waiting to hear the solution to this one too.
How I wish she could sit Kenyan boy and see what really afflicts him. A wild guess is that they may even get married.
But I'll keep her as a friend just in case I'm staring at a lengthy spell with the wincing Teddy in the coolers......only that I'll deserve all your prayers.

And did you have the slightest idea of this? What about this?
These are acceptable levels of sickness!

Have yourselves a great week.

Revolving Doors

So, I’ve been in the ranting mode of late. Forgive me for being such an ardent Benitez follower to end up being so very venomous with my words. But wait. Just before I completely stop ranting, I hope you understand that the frustrations are just too prickly to let go of unnoticed. There are three soaps I love to hate; The Quarellsomes, The Snobs and The Liars in that exact order. The world would be a dull place without them but I just can’t stand them. Is the bad me beating the good me into submission? I think not. In fact I know not. I still flash my mechanical smile too often that viewers might find annoying in the long run but again I thought a smile would be the mother of all signs that things are all too well in my world. I still think they are. Or do I just wish them to always be!

 

Well last week while I was downing coffee at Baldwin's, this lady dressed like she had just successfully bargained with one of our notorious Judges to put away another of those chicken thieves for sometime served up with the occassional hard labour, walked in and asked rather too politely to share a table with me. Being the gentleman I can be, I put on a smile (I bet it was a grin) and didn’t object. I haven’t even described what she looked like yet. Because if I do, I might have to role up Gisele Bundchen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek and Alek Wek into one. You get the mix, don’t you? Having to accurately describe every inch of leg, ear, lip, nose, et al, I'd go on forever. It’s no enviable task. I'll be honest with you, I had lust written all over my face and etched into my frontal lobes must have been some naughty thoughts. So I tried so very hard to control the 'Adam' in me and put up a conversation without having to play around with the spoon or shuffle my feet like I was possessed. She said she was a consultant. That all I heard and not the words that trailed. Apart from the word 'saviour' but that was after 6 or so minutes I presume. That was how taken up I was by her! I tried to console myself that saviour was part of the lengthy name of the firm she was 'consulting' for. Strange name I thought. Curious to know whether I had heard her right, I asked her to repeat herself. I wasn't however prepared for what I heard thereafter.  This time I heard Bible, Jesus, Worship and saviour all mentioned in the same line. The last I heard was that gut wrenching 'are you saved?' question. I don’t know what stopped me from losing my cool this time though I'm not the kind blessed or rather cursed with the proverbial short fuse. I calmly answered no and gathered my belongings, strewn all over the table and fled for the counter to clear my bill.

 

What pained me the most was leaving my half-empty cup of coffee behind and not the chance of getting to know this heavenly (pun intended) work of art.

I generally have distaste for such kinds of people. Not because I'm evil through and through but for how often they can kill your moment of hard earned joy, like that great cup of coffee, and for that we shall always be at odds. Always!

So you realise I'm not ranting after all, don’t you? I haven't been lavish but decisively economical with my distaste which must be a positive sign. But I can't promise not to go over the top when I encounter one of those many who preach by the roadside while making a mockery of PA systems. Or the next time I take a Bell ('For A Great Night and a Good Morning' is its slogan!) or two and wake up with a throbbing headache. Maybe I need help anyway if this qualifies to be mild ranting.

  And for those who have been desperate to know whether my quest for a better March is still on course, I’m sorry to report that I’ve withdrawn my investment into a relationship that has consistently posted loses of gargantuan proportions. Maybe it has a lot to do with the advent of revolving doors in my life. 

Now I truly love my life.