Monday, January 25, 2010

He Places Paragraphs In No Particular Order / Courting Controversy

Imagine a world full of sterile herbivores.
No predators, no reproduction!
Some are better at running, some are better at calculus, and some are better at gathering food. OK that sounds silly but wait a minute this brain is allowed to wander at all times.
Like right now when it wants to murder all the living environmentalists.

Dearest environmental dimwits; you make me feel guilty about using tissue paper (for wiping nose). Why then do you guys who have sworn to protect mother nature still use the same tissue paper (for wiping God knows what) huh? Why not use spoons? They can be washed and re-used plus they scoop pretty well so I'm told.

I need a distraction, I need to find another way to make money. I need to drive a fast car. I need to start selling drugs to make ends meet. I need to get to Kisementi quick and suck the life out of Alex Ndawula, live on air after he apologizes for wasting his 'taxi-park' talents on radio. I need to drop a bomb on this city. I wish I was God!

Who else?

The engineers who work our roads are, in my opinion as useless to mankind as all the kids that are getting out of school with a welding degree(is there such a thing?!). Sorry kids but there is only so much pipe to weld. Maybe some of those sell out engineers can whip up something for you kids to glue together with metal. If not why don't all you welders weld us up some jail cells so we have a place to throw all the sellout Pro-Gay supporters. Because we all know that in the future, I mean I hope all the pigs that supported them will be punished; forced to drink gallons of elephant bile!

We need more babies to eat all the Matooke, maize and yams in this country.

Olara Otunnu needs a wife!!!
We need babies!!!

There you go. I cant disguise it any longer. It eats me inside but now you should know the what & the why.
Plainly put I miss you 2009, if I was a musician you were my breakout year, my ticket to stardom, my ticket to drugs, groupies, VIP treatment, a fling with Liza Minnelli, a house on the Hawaiian coast and every thing in between.
This year it feels like I have to start building all over again; handpick one mud brick after the other, pick the finest wild grass and select the finest cow-dung from deep in Lira to replicate that haven that 09 offered me. A beautiful mud and wattle hut, the whiff of damp dung hanging in the air, waiting for me to leap in joy as my enemies fall off their lofty perches.

I think I just made a New Year's wish!

2010, are you listening? Be good to me!