Online Psychoanalysis

A while back I was hounded by a crazy-ass Kenyan gay guy on Facebook who literally thought he could do to me what Cheeye is sensationally destined to endure during his jail time as reported by that sick excuse of a tabloid. To Cheeye, I don't want to imagine you wincing in pain so I'll say a prayer for you anyway though you don't really deserve one.
Someone pointed out that my profile was rather 'inviting' as the cause of the attraction. You know that 'anything i can get' thing was sitting pretty on my profile page. But I got rid of that one.

Yes! For once I heeded to advice.
Notoriously grumpy are the people from my place!

So now how would you explain the friend of a friend wanting to counsel me online.

"I'm a counselling psychologist
Well this could be your turning point
Anyway I'm naturally a listener
That's what I think about myself
But I know it takes guts to really listen and get involved in what someone is saying
Now tell me what afflicts you my child."

Bollocks!!!!
And no, I haven't seen her before. What's the diagnosis this time? I look a tortured soul in my profile pic? I'm waiting to hear the solution to this one too.
How I wish she could sit Kenyan boy and see what really afflicts him. A wild guess is that they may even get married.
But I'll keep her as a friend just in case I'm staring at a lengthy spell with the wincing Teddy in the coolers......only that I'll deserve all your prayers.

And did you have the slightest idea of this? What about this?
These are acceptable levels of sickness!

Have yourselves a great week.

Charm School Candidate

Most things natural always tend to be constant but that is if you were living in the years past because of late we have (me and the medical minds of Dr. 90210) devised means to navigate round these problems. Brazilian Butt Lift fans know what I mean when I say what I say to mean what I say.

That brings me to my latest Kenyan friend on Facebook. I'll call him Keith. Keith sent me a friend request a couple of weeks back and I didn't reject it. I obliged and added him probably thinking he was one of my fans! He must have seen me on radio though coz I had no idea who the hell he was!

Fast-forward to last Saturday (a very chilly one) while I was idling on Facebook Chat when I found Mr. Keith idling too. Then came our 'get to know you' session where talk rotates around bad roads and the President's bandaged finger and of course the crazy weather.

It kinda went on well till he asked whether i had a girlfriend. Stupid question to ask! My status clearly states what it states when I scream that I'm single without remorse.

I instinctively checked out his profile and his friends list to acquaint myself with who he really was.

I thought it strange that of all his 86 friends, only one was a female and that the rest of the 85 were disgustingly naked men. I'll let you do the assesment on Keith's orientation). But I'd have to admit they had far better toned bodies than my sorry excuse of a six-pack.

Then came the spoiler;

"You look good in your profile pic. I'm kinda feeling lonely." Like I needed to know that much.....

More of the spoiler;

"What's your phone number so that I can give you a call and hear your voice?"

Even more of the spoiler;

"Ah, I can see you've taken quite a while to answer that question." This guy had the bloody nerves.

Then came the witty answer (if he thought I was half as dumb as he was)

"Why don't you call those girls at customer care, they sure do have great voices..."

Foolish Keith at it again;

"Oh! I didn't think of that one." Yeah he just admitted to being dumb.

I didn't need a second invitation to undo my short lived friendship with Keith and block him totally. Not that many people can stand being hit on by a gay guy you barely even know. Now I'm up and down trying to find Keith entry forms into Charm School just in case you didn't realise how lame he was at his game.

Ha ha, don't think that if he was any better, he was going to be any more successful than he already was. Did he think he was bribing a kid with a lollipop? Keith, you're a fool for that one.

And I'm told girls (the pretty ones at least) have to endure this every day! I feel your pain..........