Monday, October 18, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Your Prodigal Son

This is supposed to be my lame attempt to reviving my glory days as a blogger but hey, I'm not going to waste time explaining myself. But still we'll talk 'me' and my twisted relationship with Hypnos, the god of sleep.
See I suffer severe insomnia, so much I've joined the legendary Insomniacs UNITE! But what is insomnia?

Insomnia according The International Dictionary of Excuses a compilation by yours truly, is "payment for napping in the day". Payment with interest as Sophocles' Creon would say in Antigone. Less than forty minutes after lunch and for the entire night I haven't even blinked, eh! I'll never do it again! 

That's what I always say but the drowsiness that comes with the afternoon heat... What if sleep was in our control? We'd reckon it whenever we wanted it and send it away when we didn't. Insomnia and Sleeping sickness would never have been. But placing sleep in the hands of 'a potentially lazy man' would only make him more unproductive. 
If sleep was for sale though, lazy people would be the most hardworking. They'd work day and night to buy as much of it as they could. Government would levy a Sleep Tax-cut a few hours from the rich and give to the poor. Would the homeless accept the government's generosity?
They'd complain, "why do you give us all these hours of sleep yet you know we don't have where to spend them? Build us homes and we'll get our own sleep." And the government would be afraid to reply,"We give you sleep and you ask us for a place to spend it!" 
So the government would build homeless people homes and their worst nightmare would be over. Nightmares, one of sleep's most scary creatures! If sleep was on sale, no one would buy the one with nightmares. It would probably be expired or made in China. 

Customer: "Hey, you sold me sleep that was expired."
Sleep Merchant: "No way! It said best before 2012."
Customer: "The nightmares were so bad I peed on the bed." 

If sleep was for sale, girls would probably say to boys, "send me some airtime and a few hours of sleep" That would be nice, wouldn't it? What about those who would buy sleep and hoard it? What about those who are broke? 
Imagine somebody telling you, "Am so broke, I cant even afford to sleep." Then those that make noise when you're trying to sleep, you'd tell them "Hey, can't you see am trying to sleep. This sleep cost me a lot of money and I won't let you spoil it for me." And those very bold guys (and girls) who would ask "Will you sleep with me?" "No way. I wouldn't sleep with you if you owned the last minutes of sleep! Go get your own sleep" they'd be told off (sometimes). Then they'd go and buy, not alcohol to drown their sorrows, but sleep- to sleep away the pain.

The sun is out and I haven't slept! 'O sleep. Oh sweet sleep. Nature's gentle touch. How have I frightened thee That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down...' If it happened to Shakespeare, who am I? But what book was that...

PS: Please allow me back...your prodigal son.