Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Read Only If You Will Finish (sic)

 The epidemic that is blogger 'blogcks' seems to have spared a select few and I'm only saying this because I wasn't left out of the 'fun'. My brain is constipated but thanks to the inventor of shame and remorse I still come here, comment where I can, then try to compose something and while at it, look out of the window from where I admire the generous behind that was planted on the Multiplex lady and before I know it I want to display my God-given gluttony at lunch.

Well today I'm already done with lunch and the Multiplex lady has taken refuge from this melting sun under the huge umbrella from where I cant gawk at her. Doesn't mean I have my brains back yet, they must be vacationing themselves silly some where in the Caribbean sun, getting drunk on coloured cocktails and hurling obscenities at Puerto Rican babes in gomesis!

Hence this;

THE ONLY PROM RULE:
Enjoy dancing in the daylight heat, eat so little for once in your school life so as not to scare your date away, only IF you must, don't get a hard-on while dancing, and please make the most of the darkness and the walls. The walls especially: LEAVE THEM DIRTY!







UNWRITTEN RULE: Don't wipe your date's sweat with your palms...she will smell like the plate you used at lunch!! If you manage not to do that, then don't spoil all your good work by handing her her your dad's phone number if you don't have one. Posta still works and now they have express delivery so get smart.


RULE PENDING APPROVAL: Don't watch E! if you have a week left to prom. I will laugh at you and the rest of Uganda will think you hail from the north. I didn't even invent that stereotype, it is a general consensus in this country!



My brain. It cant be this bad, can it?
Let me ride on and see how far it will take this post.
I believe we guys never pay much attention to any blemish on our physicality until maybe when you are consistently teased about it. But still you smile about it before with the help of evil thinking, you tactfully turn your guns on that guy who has also been haranguing you about anything small yet he is blessed with a bean-shaped head and probably looks like he was a prop in Babylon 5. It is a mean strategy, that much I know but if you live in that world, your life is bound to get a lot messier than not if you choose not to employ evil!

So the jokes have been flowing of late about the size of these two rounded mounds of flesh that God gave me to sit with, take quinine injections and endure kiboko from teachers...what they universally call an arse these days.
See my 70s hangover mom is still obsessed with the Pepe Kale style of wearing trousers so much that it reduces her to near tears that I can’t wear trousers halfway up my chest. But you know what, I'm not going to blame almost senile her! While she grew up in an era where made-up Congolese men were idolized, I'm dreaming of ways to be as cool as Ozzie Osbourne minus the drugs.

Now to get this ancient trouser style going, you need a sizable chunk of arse which I'm not exactly blessed with and frankly don’t mind having. Actually I'm rather happy not to have, not with all these strange Kampala men offering to buy you a drink if you arent in the company of a lady while at the bar.

Its simple. You are a guy and your boxers don't slide down your arse unless tugged at, be happy. You don't want to lose the only virginity you have left.
I mean no offense to the menfolk with anthills on the backsides!
The rest of us meanwhile will be out there looking for women like her to mate with and give the future better arses where they don't have to endure taunts.


And I'm now gone. Off to bait my brains to return home before they contract a Caribbean STD!

19 comments:

  1. First I claim......
    SOCKIEEEES

    Then a laughter
    Puerto Ricon babes.... Now that is like sosh at one of our schools around Kampala.
    Pic1 is that you Payo? Rub-a-dubbin?

    Then a black Ozzie Osbourne Surely!!!!That would be something.

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  2. pic 3...the boy looks like he was watching smooth criminal,not E! never let anyone say MJ didnt leave his mark even on the kids of today.

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  3. Sosh...omg i almost claim to be the girl in the black dress...till i had my father is on blogger..:-)

    - i hated SMACK guys..destested them...hmmm Sosh

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  4. LOL @ the two couples in the background of the second picture. First couple - girl literally caught between the wall and a hard place and the further couple simply has a wall between them.

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  5. "Only if you must, dont get a hard-on while dancing." The dudes dancing above must have bent that rule.

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  6. I love the pubescent innocence displayed in those pics.....i could be any of those girls.

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  7. Brazilians versus Puerto Ricans is a complete mismatch.
    I agree with jny23, the no hard-on rule was bent. I think your arse is fine too :-)

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  8. Parker led me here and his health wont get any better. I cant see faces so who of the top two is you?

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  9. @Mc Keith ~ Rub-a- dubbin! nice one, yes Payo, is that you?

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  10. @Mumakeith Its not me in there.

    @L.A. I see your point but MJ didn't have ill fitting belts and sheep skin shoes. I remember, I was there!

    @Ugandan Girl yo not alone on the SMACK thing. I can see you are hiding some sosh memories. Share!

    @Ashy Lol looks like they obeyed the wall rule. I believe you would do the same.

    @jny23 True true.

    @gikobwa If only we could rewind time...

    @Niki who said there was a contest? My stand on the Brazilian species has never changed! Thanks...hehe you are the first.

    @Valerie Parker has told me nothing yet about the op in Barcelona. Inbox me some details.

    @Tricia Hehe sori to disappoint but thats not me!

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  11. Oh damnnnnn, I was from SMACK - guess no love up in here for a brother. Haha . Personally, I didnt care which school came for sosh. If you could bust a move on the dance floor plus get your freak on, then it was all good !!!

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  12. It went well without incident but recovery is really slow. Inbox

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  13. @Wendal I can't console you much coz I'm on the other side too. Sure you didn't mind the schools from the legendary Kiboga?

    @Beloved You are welocamu!

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  14. lol payo, banange dont shell E!, as for that babe she is hooooot! and i am straight! i swear randomness at its highest!

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  15. Gwe, wherever you get those pics, js email eh? ok

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  16. these pics are the winners....rescued yo brain yet??

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  17. Something new please. this is my fourth fruitless visit to this page

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