The Big What If

Every time I get dangerously idle I think! About a lot of things. 94% percent of them are never constructive but I still think! I love to think. But one thing I always think about keeps playing so often in my mind with the same frequency as the memory of my first kiss. Those little things we ignore not because they are abundant around us but those things we don't think about just because we know we can never have them.....now think with me what the world would be if;

There were prizes under the liners of beer bottles...like it is with soda bottles?

These beer guys are mean.....really mean! I've taken soft drinks for many years, and didn't stop even when they were blamed for a severe allergic reaction I had one time. I still haven't won a random prize for all my loyalty and i don't blame them because maybe it all boils down to ill luck. But what if beers were to buck the trend and offer prizes under their liners?

Do guys really need that kind of excuse to drink. Girls do! If the prizes were girl friendly, like shopping trips, and vacations in Zanzibar then more girls would drink, and there would be more understanding about why men drink. Of course, that means everyone would have a beer gut.

Wouldn't it make a hangover less devastating if you knew you had a prize to redeem later on?

Female drivers were not believed to be dumb

Okay maybe they are! I don't know that much about them but it seems to be a general consensus that they are. Who cares if they are anyway?

But what if they were not perceived as brilliantly stupid?

Less laughter in the world? Higher occurrence of cancer? Less videos on you tube? A greater chance of meeting more men than women at your local driving school?

Now which sadist would want that?

The majority of humans were left-handed?

Did you even know that August 13th is the Left Handers Day? No you don't. I knew you wouldn't!!

That left-handedness is more common in males than females the same way it is responsible for mental retardation and dyslexia may also be news to you! The stranger truth though is that they are associated with intellectual advancement. Okay enough of that because this is no science lecture.

More males on earth? Retards everywhere? More Clintons (definitely more Lewinskys)? More left handed cameras? More John Mc Enroes?

It's a sticky one!

Everyone didn't have to say 'hello' each time they answered a call

Telecom Companies would make a lot less money and there would be less carbon dioxide in the world. Of course, hello is like an 'on' switch to pay attention so people wouldn’t catch the first half of the conversation, misunderstandings would increase, death would rise, more men would find out their wives were cheating on them….Chaos. Hello should remain forever and forever

Girls always chased after guys

There's this particular Bud Light ad that interests me a lot. It shows a lady with arms crossed (kinda mean looking face too) declaring that she "doesn't chase men who can't run!" So what if the hunter became the hunted? It happens today, that I'm fully aware of. But what if for every woman that got winked at, 30 guys out there got anonymous calls and messages declaring love for their perfect legs (even when they clearly aren't?)

You see! Guys aren’t quite as picky about who they date as girls are. Wait. They are. Difference is USUALLY a guy’s reasons behind the girls he date/doesn’t date actually make sense.

Girls on the other hand have the most complicated lists set up. “He should be shy but fight for me”…blah blah. If girls did the chasing this problem would be solved. Girls would have their list and go about finding the right man. Men would simply sit , watch , wait and accept the creation that made its way toward them if it fit their more realistic ideals. If they were expecting Beyonce, ahahahahahaha! Good luck with that one.

Do you see more girls settling the bills? More guys getting facials, manicures, tans and botox? Less cases of Rape? More female janitors? Longer working hours for women?

We all found gossip disgusting

Life would be simpler. There wouldn’t be drama. At all. Life would be quieter. No fights over what he said she said about him talking to her after you said you didn’t yet they saw you with him….in all honesty though, it would also be extremely boring and humans would find some other destructive way to bring excitement.But I see the distinction between He and She dying out. Only one of them loves to gossip! Who?

All bling was cheap

I would get some every week.

Girls would have to find another expensive way to get men to their love for them. Apparently girls will have to find some way to torture men besides sex that is because they know, sex punishes both them and not just HIM.

DVD players had never replaced VCR players

Who can forget the days when you had just hours before the local movie store slapped a fine on you for late returns only for a power black-out to mercilessly hit you. OK. that fine is payable you think! Power returns and you discover the silly VCR has ‘eaten’ the tape! No DVDs? Life would be hell! There would be no seasons on one disc, twenty movies on one disc. What would people do?! Would we TALK to each other?! That would be our only option, wouldn’t it?! (Kiss your CD pack gratefully while sending a silent prayer of thanks to God, and whoever invented the first CD)

Priests and monks weren't celibate

A quick glance at the demography statistics tells me that the females are trouncing males numerically the world over. Then of course apart from those who are comfortable with the idea of sleeping around with married men, the rest are lonely. If these people of God weren't celibate this number would be halved. Even they agree!

yz.......I'm smooching you for your help with this one!!!!