Yours Trully

When my brain stalled so much that I could not write a thing, I thought why not give blogville a sneak peak into what Payo looked like before shaving became such an issue. Enjoy...

Agavuude Mu Wiiki

I thought this past week had ended just like any other; nothing much to reminisce about. But that was till I pulled out my notepad and started listing in no particular order what had transpired during the past seven days. Some are shameful, some funny and others I cant really classify. Read on...

• I drunk-dialled my former boss at 2 in the night on the now infamous 99% from MTN.


• I slaughtered a turkey.


• JK admitted to me that he was gay and has 'eaten' like that for the past three years (to hell with the night caps at his pad from now on...you never know what he is capable of)


• With inspiration from Ugandan Girl, I deleted all the phantom people that were populating my friends list on Facebook.


• I resorted to a shortcut on my way home to avoid contact with Eddie the shopkeeper...the reason, 2200 shillings for that kilo of sugar I took 2 weeks ago.


• I ate a rolex for the first time in a very long time. It used to be cheap so I clashed with the 'rolex guy' over the prices. Of course I didn't win.


• My friends took me to this basement club in Mukono and guess what?!, it had pit latrines for toilets! You think I'm taking you for a ride? Visit Club One in Mukono, you will be amazed at how INNOVATIVE Ugandans have come.


• I didn't want you to know this one but yeah, I had an all-access shave! A painful one at that.

Listening to U2's 'I'll Go Crazy if I don't go Crazy Tonight'

BHH...Speaking in the Third Person

This blogger has been toying with the thought of whether to let other bloggeren into what happened to him the day he decided, rather half-heartedly to attend the last BHH. The urge to tell all has won the war and ‘tell’ has to be done.
So this blogger instinctively went to radio and tried to coerce Carsozy into dragging him along. He claimed he had to work late and wake up by 4 o’clock the next morning so blogger gave up the mini-effort. But blogger was quick to ask him if Baz was remotely interested in going.
“I spoke to him at lunch about it but he gave me no clear answer.”

Blogger decided to seek out Baz all by myself and the first thing Baz asked blogger rather authoritatively was why blogger was still not at Mateo’s yet. The logical thing for blogger to say was that he was indeed headed there, which he eventually did. But then Baz said he wasn’t going to be able to make it and that blogger should pass on his apologies. Another dead end.

Lulu, the last person blogger could think of now was already dressed (in a rather hot dress) for the Bride and Groom thing.
Armed with the evil apologies from Baz and Carsozy blogger headed for the venue, scanned the area for a group of more than 10 people and couldn’t find any. So blogger drowned himself in Guinness after Guinness before he SOSed Carsozy for ‘help’ in finding that group of strangers if they were present anyway. Carsozy promised to call later but he didn’t.
Luckily enough for blogger a couple of cocktail-hunting friends showed up and together, they got wasted. Then it was off to feast on Nandos’ overrated pizzas.
By that time BHH was the least of blogger’s worries. It stayed that way till the time was headed for the parking lot that he saw a group of around 9 people gathered around two tables, that he realised that that must have been lot he had come looking for. Who was the dreadlocked lady? And the white lady? Was that even the group blogger came looking for? And why was the turn up that low?

The decision to join the Guinness party signalled the end of blogger’s BHH quest for the night. Since there are many more to come in the future, blogger thinks he will settle for those.
And for those who sent their apologies through blogger, he is deeply sorry to have disappointed.

It's So Hungry I Can Barely Feed It

Considering that I’ve not posted anything right here for exactly 45 days, I’ve gotta admit that is really long a time. I’ve got my reasons too. See I’m not exactly comfortable looking into a neighbour’s script when sitting an exam, so I took time off, shook blogging out of my unwilling head and got down to the academics for ‘shizzle’. Nevertheless after seeing this lady pull her ‘bullet’ from her bra, of all places, I took a peek or two to steer clear of a retake when I was out-spotted. Such can be the life of a student.

So that means I missed the BHH tales (of course I wasn’t there), and I hear Eizzy. k got saved! I’m only hoping she don’t try to convert me.

But then, my time away from blogging pales in comparison with my rather lengthy vacation away from the throes of dating. It has been more than a year now and what gets me worried though is how comfortable I’m becoming in the current climate. Its not till you make out with some girl (swollen with emotion too) you least expected to ever get cozy with that you realise maybe you have been cheating your body by depriving it of some things I cannot comfortably call essentials. You almost went to the next level with her! You find it even harder to say no to her advances politely. I don’t even know what they are! Cravings?

The next morning you are predictably like – “OMG What the fuck was I thinking?” but then it is already done and all you have left time for is to reflect on where in the not so immediate past might have gone wrong. You try hard to put on a gaze that conveys innocence, responsibility and authority that often than not, conceals the desperate bore that your life has become. You feel like letting loose, surrendering yourself to the force of the wind, and put up no resistance at all.

But your inner self knows that the life you once lived with some ease is now more like the unknown to you at present and that isn’t about to miraculously change overnight.

It’s really been mighty long.

“Never let your head bully your heart only because it is not worth the effort. The heart somewhat always manages to win” Dad told me that before he got saved!

Kwonka Viruses

After a long time on katebe without blogging, I write something, save it on my flash disk, plug it into one of the New Vision computers and what do i get for my troubles? The flash disk is empty thanks in no small part to an unseen virus.
I guess i have to wait a little longer to post something as I get my e-house in order.

OFF TO THE SLEEPYHEADS IN I.T. TO SEE IF ANYTHING CAN BE DONE!

Milestones Gone Wrong: The First Puff

In celebration of his first 6 months as a blogger, Payo thought of achieving another first. He regrets it now.

In ‘Ugandan English’ they are going to say that the brain behind this blog has become ‘spoilt’ only because your dearest, most previously holy Payo recently developed the insatiable urge to try a hand at smoking pot.

Payo chooses to blame the whole episode purely on curiosity and nothing more than that. He can promise that it won’t happen again. He now is truly resentful but only because it was a forgettable experience. Now he blames it squarely on the devil because deep down he knows he is such a nice guy.

Payo has considered rehab – he doesn’t think it will be of much help though. The idea of church has been floating in his head but the guilt in Payo’s mind is too much for him to handle. He can’t imagine looking at the suffering guy on the cross under these circumstances. He has already sent countless apologies to his lungs and other offended departments and since they are all willing to forgive him for the ordeal, he is kinda happy to settle for that.

The happiest part though for him is that he has something to heal the appetite of bloggers hungry for something. They deserve something to read!

Listening to Don’t Let Me Go – The Fray

21 Questions

• Do I really look like Pharell Williams or was it pure flattery from her?
• Why is it easy to fall for and feel connected to someone you have never seen and probably will never see?
• Why do you find it hard to tell that person and opt to keep playing the friendship card even when you really know that is not the case?
• Why do friends these days think they have the moral authority to make choices for you no matter how personal they may be to you?
• Am I the only one who thinks Ugandan women have become too predictable?
• Who like me doesn’t want to live to the age beyond which I cannot find my own way to the bathroom for relief anymore?
• Now that I’ve stopped growing taller, why am I not growing any fatter?
• Who still dresses in SAVCO jeans?
• Where have all the good kissers gone?
• When should I start complaining of the loud noises that my neighbours sentence me too deep into the night?
• Does everyone else have to endure mood swings from time to time like I do?
• Where have the rest of the 21 Questions gone?